I’ll be honest, I like watching movies with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. At his best, he’s that perfect eighties mix of macho action hero and comedic relief. Unfortunately, most of the movies he stars in do not show him at his best. Race to Witch Mountain is just such an example. It’s a terrible movie with terrible special effects and a terrible story.

The premise for Race to Witch Mountain is simple. A pair of cute alien kids with no acting abilities hook up with a small time ex-convict working as a taxi cab driver. Lucky for them, the cab driver turns out to be exactly the person they need help them complete their mission. Throw in some stupid explanation that the aliens are trying to prevent war between our two worlds by bringing back the cure for global warming to their home planet and you pretty much have one of the most retarded movies I’ve seen in recent memory. (That’s saying a lot too, since I just watched the awful Jumper movie a few days ago.)

As lame as the story was, I can’t even begin to describe how bad the special effects were. Seriously. Obviously fake blue screen effects abound throughout the movie, with even the titular Witch mountain taking on a level of fakeness that just boggles the mind. I truly believe that the majority of the movie was filmed on location at Disneyland so that they could use the rides to generate the special effects. Mount a couple of cameras of a rollercoaster, take a spin on the tilt-a-whirl, use Photoshop to make it look like the actors are inside a taxicab and “Ta-da,” you’ve got yourself a movie.

When the credits finally rolled after an hour an half, I so emotionally drained from mentally screaming at the TV screen that I had to go to bed early. It was just that bad.

Bottom Line:

Unless you’re looking to waste an hour and half your life that you’ll never ever get back, then by all means, go watch Race to Witch Mountain. Otherwise, do yourself a favor and just steer clear. Even if you have a man-crush on the Rock like I do, it’s still not worth your time. Go watch The Rundown again instead, it will be time better spent.

Final Score: 1 out 5 stars
Reviewer: LC1
Review Format: Blu-Ray